]"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'" - Erma Bombeck

I'm learning my lesson.

So after 3 months of no written words, I have FINALLY decided to update. Shocker right!? Believe me, I am just as surprised as you. My life literally has been crazy lately. I spend more of my life running to different locations than I do sitting...or for that matter, sleeping. Let me tell you, I'm convicted. 

I always do it to myself. I always put 1385378490346742 things on my plate and expect everything to be A-okay, figuring that the Lord will supply every need. Of course he ALWAYS does, but man have I been taking advantage of Jesus. This is so NOT okay.

I absolutely LOVE getting involved with everything I possibly can. I love being able to enjoy life with others, and take every opportunity that comes my way.  I always tell myself that it is a perfect example to bring Jesus glory or minister to others, but after saying yes to everyone, I eventually spread myself WAY too thin. Who does that help then? no one.

I love this quote by Erma Bombeck. For the longest time I looked at it and thought solely God's given talent of dance in my life. I have realized now it's so much more than that. 

This time I got involved with way too much and it took Jesus saying "Okay Hannah, go ahead" for me to realize that boundaries are a necessity in my life. Talk to anyone that knows me and they will gladly tell you how stubborn I am. Unfortunately, it definitely took a few mental breakdowns and sleepless nights for me to understand that.

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. 
1 Corinthians 6:19-20

“The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light."Matthew 6:22

You see, I am walking away from the light if I am not taking care of myself. If I am not sleeping eating, etc. correctly than I am not living in the light. What makes this worse, if I am a leader to people than I could quite possibly be leading them astray. YUCK. 

So, I'm discipling myself. My life has to change. I want to bring Jesus the glory that is due, and provide him with a beautiful temple to rest in. I want to stand in front of my Maker one day and exclaim, "I used everything you gave me."

"Somewhere we know that without silence words lose their meaning, that without listening speaking no longer heals, that without distance closeness cannot cure." — Henri J.M. Nouwen

I am officially the worst blogger ever.

Please don't yell at me! I know, I know, it has been forever since I have last blogged. I'm sure you want to all know what is going on with my life...but let's be honest with each other for a second.... to update you on life (with details) would take much longer than I believe both of us would ever want to sit through (and it quite possibly even be painful) so to make life easy (and painless) let's just say life has been a bit hectic. 


Here's some lessons that I have learned over the past few weeks...

#1) The gas from ovens make out for terrible room perfume.
#2) Stress + Stress + Stress + Stress = double of everyone.
#3) Running into a music stand in pitch black hallways always hurts.
#4) Ice packs on knees before bed = wet...everything
#5) bcmcn are letters that my computer loved and I hated.
#6) Surprise visits from Hope College Sisters = tears (and lots of them)
#7) Brother-in-law + College Profs = never good news.
#8) Ice Cream on a bike seat = stupid stupid college prank.

There are times...let me tell you, when the papers were piling high on my desk, my head didn't hit the pillow until 3, and i saw two of everything, that life seemed far from pleasant. There were times when I thought to myself... "Jesus please come back... annnnd right now yeah..that would be preferable just in case you wondered". It was after I got through the storm that I realized both God's help and humor that got me through the hail and wind. Have you ever stopped and thought about God's humor? I have. many times. In fact, I wonder sometimes if my purpose in life is just the simple fact of making a fool out myself for God to chuckle at. I mean please.... who else gets a concussion from falling off a bed.... or how about the new one... falling off the treadmill. YEP. I am that girl. Next time when you are searching through youtube videos and you see one of those people who are idots and fall while running...just imagine me. I promise you'll get a kick out of it.

So a lesson to everyone.... do not close your eyes while praying on a treadmill... otherwise your prayer will turn into a cry for desperation as you try your best to get back on the treadmill. Let me tell you... this is NOT an easy task. I almost fell twice. When you first hit the ground you don't even think...its like a 2 second rebound and you are trying the next stupid idea of jumping back on the machine that kicked you off in the first place. haha. wow. sometimes I am so clueless. I just pray that there is security videos of that. I would pay to see me kicked off of a treadmill like a bull. seriously... who does that? I bet God just watches re-runs of that. I would.

Seriously though... even through the stressful moments, I realized without God's humor stuck in every once and awhile I would have never gotten through it. I think we all need to be a bit more aware of God's work in our lives. Sometimes we expect so much of our blessings to be huge that we miss the most important blessings of all... the small every day ones. Man, God deserves so much more praise and glory that what we offer Him. It makes me wonder.... Who am I to deserve any of this? and that's the thing... I never have nor ever will.

God is SO good, what a fantastic Daddy I have!

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one” Elbert Hubbard

Trust.

Have you ever been in that place where you know that the Lord is continuously reminding you that you need to trust him, but you think to yourself... eh are you sure? I feel like I have those more often than I should. I have these moments when I know the Lord calls to me and tells me that I don't need to worry about tomorrow (for it deals with itself), but I sit there thinking....BUT BUT BUT. I know deep down that He has my BEST interests in mind. I know that the Lord is GOOD. I know that he won't give me anything in addition to what I can handle... I still have a hard time though. 

Sometimes I have those days when I think to myself I can't do this because what if??? The Lord has really been moving me lately to stop thinking along this path that I seem to place myself on. I have to start learning to trust that regardless of anything that has happened 10 years, 18 months, or 2 minutes ago the Lord will STILL use me. As I have said before I find it continuously amazing that the Lord can use my problems, mistakes, etc for his glory, but sometimes I get so worried about disappointing God that I either push any opportunity away or I just don't go for it entirely (both- very wrong attitudes).

I'm learning that it is far more important for me to trust. Trust that regardless if I like an outcome or not...the Lord has a reason for everything that happens in my life. Understanding to a new degree that FIRST and FOREMOST seeking the Lord's kingdom in everything I am ... highs or depths the Lord will be there... I have nothing to worry about. Even if its a difficult period I'm going through...who am I to worry with the Lord standing beside. 

To everyone who is fighting this along beside me... Have courage! Learn to thank the Lord for EVERYTHING that comes your way (yes...the good AND the bad). Somehow it makes trusting a little bit easier.Realize that you need to go for things that will bring you joy... if it doesn't work out... GREAT! That only means that you then test your strength and bravery. You will only find how strong you are when you take a big blow and learn to stand back on two feet. 

I am confident that one day I will learn. I am just as confident for you. Whatever it may be that you are worrying about.... upset about... guilty about.... anxious about..... lay it at the feet of our beloved. He will gladly take these from you and fill you then with nothing but the best of what He's got. 

Thank you Father for giving the BEST you had for the WORST you could find. We love you!

Make mistakes, fall. fail. Take a hold of the hand of Jesus and watch him mold you into a new you! 

It is easier to be wise for others than it is to be wise for ourselves. - Francois De La Rochefoucauld

I almost died today.

Yes. You are reading correctly. I did almost die. There is a corner across from my University that apparently no one likes to stop at. Now, lets make one thing straight... I had the right of way (to those reading this who knows how scatterbrained I can get...okay...how blonde I am). I was yelled at by my friend who was walking with me and I escaped with my life with a couple centimeters to spare (literally). It was pretty intense, but am so thankful that the Lord placed her beside me. 

After laughing the whole thing off I realized how thankful I was to hear Casie call my name. I have been her before (though maybe not to this extreme), calling out to my friends to make sure they would be safe (both literally on the road and figuratively in life). But it seems that it takes the extremes to realize that maybe the words you express to others might just happen to be the words YOU need to remember also. It is SO much easier giving wisdom than applying it to ourselves. 

There are plenty of times in my life when I catch myself doing this. Somehow I make myself believe that I am the exception to the rule. That no one else can touch me.... this is incredibly false. I believe wholeheartedly that the Lord gives us wisdom when a friend needs some guidance in their life. It is so easy to pass this knowledge onto others and fail to accept that those words might have meaning for you (either now or in the future). It's so simple to say things and forget them...when in reality we can learn so much from the HS by listening to these words of guidance spoken through you. 

This is what I have realized today. I've realized how essential it is to appreciate the little things in life. Don't allow something to enter your mind and pass through your mouth and then forget it. God can not only teach others through your actions and words but also can bring wisdom and revelation to yours too! So next time, take those words of wisdom to heart. I know I will never remember advice word by word...but I will do my best to take that situation and use it to better myself.

May God bless you all entirely. 

p.s. I apologize for not writing sooner...life has been a little hectic but soon more posts will be entered!

"There is no distance on this earth as far away as yesterday."

She said, "Wherever you are, be all there."

What a profound statement.... "Wherever you are... be all there."

A lot of life has been lived since I first heard those words resonate in my heart. There have been many highs and lows, many tears and victories... and still,  (I'll be honest) I battle with living out this Godly counsel and learning what it means to be content.

Learning to be content. Sounds easy right? I pray this is easy for you. For me? Yeah, not so much. No.. I am not saying that striving to be content in every circumstance means I want or have to be happy all the time. In fact, I am convinced that I wouldn't learn as much throughout life if this were the case. I do mean however,(for myself) that learning to be content means being confident of God's leading in my life (in every situation that may come my way). In this statement I find my obstruction in my path because I love to plan.

Now don't get ahead of me. I don't believe that all planning is bad. In fact, many times it leads to a healthy drive. The problem lies when we start planning without God's counsel. That is (unfortunately) where my problem exists. I tend to get ahead of myself concerning the future and forget to consult the Lord as to what His direction is for me. I don't know if you have the same problem but I tend to get anxious about my future when certain questions are thrown my way. When returning home after a long semester at school, I am most commonly asked the following questions (most often from the Church). These conversations tend to go something like this:

"Hello Hannah!(Please fill in the blank if this is you) It is so great to see you! I trust that you have been doing well. (Here is where the conversation turns) So, I hear you are studying ___________. (Question #1) What then have you decided to do after you graduate? (I give my answer then stop knowing that a few more questions are headed my way...yep and here they are!) Oh well that is very exciting! So, do you have any prospects? (Question #2! contrary to what you may be thinking... this question does not pertain to prospects of a job...but instead a "companion". So I again I give an answer thinking maybe if I talk about job prospects I can get out of it! Oh no... people are pretty persistent, which results in Question #3). Oh that's great honey! Have you met anyone? (Yep question number three....can't escape it. However it may be asked... it seems the question always pops up. So I answer and pray that either the music from the Praise Band will start OR I can see someone far in the distance to talk to, because I know that some of these questions I honestly have no definitive answer to)."

Now, I don't mean to mention this for alternative motives or even to excuse my dilemma of excessive planning, but I can tell you it starts me thinking about all the things I may not have lined up in my life. I might as well face it.... I'M OLD! Heck, I'm 20 years old and might as well be deadbeat spinster (please catch my sarcasm)! Seriously though, these expectations start to become the basis of my anxiety. So thus, I plan. I get anxious and try to go about things in a way so that I might have a great answer to these questions.

I pray that this problem is only me, but if it's you...we have to stop. There are many ways in which we find discontentment in our lives. Often the world tells us that we need to be successful (in their terms), we have to get ahead, or to worry about the future, BUT God's word tells us to

Do everything in the name of the Lord, giving thanks to Him (Colossians 3:17).

Not to worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will worry about itself (Matthew 6:34)

That

Many who are last, are instead first (Matthew 19:30)
To become great we must serve instead of be served (Mark 10:43-45)
By prayer and petition we are to present our requests to God (Philippians 4:6)

By learning to be content we find that...
-We will live with less regret knowing we made the most of our "today's"
-We will be able to enjoy life no matter what situation we are being pulled through
-We will be able to enjoy others that surround us
-We are appreciative of what we have in this moment...today
-We will find peace in God's plans and direction for our lives

Though true, a lot of life has been lived since I heard the worlds of Kate Davelaar saying "Wherever you are..be all there" I've had my content moments and... my plans. Today I pray God continues to mold and change the hearts who are on this journey together. Lets trust God's provision and stay in today.

May it be said that we live a life of true contentment.

"A journey of a thousand miles starts with one step."

We all have those moments.

Those moments when you wake up and life is a new beginning. For some, this beginning starts with perhaps graduation, moving, new job, or maybe marriage. It's those beginnings that excite us for the new adventure that is before us. Arrangements are made and the drive in us sets us on a new path of purpose. We smile and take joy from the opportunity of what the future holds for us... anticipation fuels us and our careful planning frames our new journey that sets the wheels in motion. Today is the day...the day the outline is transformed into the novel of our new life.

My beginning doesn't start with a plan, it starts with an ending.

Endings. There are times I hate that word. The word ending sometimes (okay.. most of the time) means letting go of parts of my life that I hold dear to my heart. I struggle not holding onto even the most difficult parts of my life in hopes that one day...just one day it might be different. You see, I am an optimist. Yep. I admit it. Love me, hate me...it's who I am. I love seeing the best in life...choosing optimism instead of the alternative. So when the end comes near... I turn around and learn from my last chapter and take those lessons with me to the new one. It makes life much more enjoyable when you realize that life is full of mistakes, but somehow God uses our mistakes for His good. Let's think about this for a second... He choses  to use my failures for His benefit. That is when I realize the incredible love my heavenly Father has for me! So.. you may ask, if my beginning starts with an ending...what lesson have I learned? I've learned a multitude. The one that resonates with me today is that maybe my optimism is my best...and worst quality. Does this mean I am going to change seeing the world for the best? I'll have to answer that with a reverberating NO. I will however take this wisdom I have been given to help me become a much more discerning woman and follower of Jesus Christ. May His eyes be mine to see...my heart be His to hold. 

My beautiful beginning... a start to a new beautiful adventure.